It truly is crazy how things happen... and when it rains, it sure pours.

I don't think I'll ever understand why bad things happen to such good people... Now I know I am not perfect, but I truly live my life to be the best person, and best parent I can be. I place my daughters needs before mine, and I usually am always putting myself last... I treat everyone with respect, I work hard, I fight for people who wouldn't even fight for themselves, but sometimes the things we go through just are unfortunate.

I think the worst feeling to have is when you want something so bad, but you finally come to terms with the fact that it isn't what's best for you... someone once told me, "You'll never be happy.." only because I seemed to be "upset" about something little. I started to think to myself, "Actually, I will be happy but just not with you..." I've never changed myself for anyone, and I've now caught myself changing the person I am for someone who isn't willing to compromise changing anything for me... 

More Fish In The Sea

My heart is pounding through my chest, my mind is racing.
Your voice, your words replaying in my head; can't stop pacing... 
How could I let you in? Why did I fall?
Why did I open myself up, how could I give you my all?

I got lost in your eyes; fell in love with your embrace.
Believed all your words, and couldn't get enough of your taste.
Felt safe in your arms, and let myself go.
To a place that now, I wish I didn't know.

I let down my guard, completely let down my shields,
I revealed my skeletons, afterwards my fate was sealed.
I should have known better than to let you in so deep.
I should have known since you weren't mine, that now I would weep.

Weep for the time spent, time I'll never get back.
Weep for opening up my heart, my love now getting sacked.
Weep now for the pain, that I've had to endure,
For a love I never imagined, a love I thought was so pure. 

But while you lay with me, she thinks of you too.
And when I'm not by your side, where does your mind wander to?
Do you think of my smile? Or do you think of her hair?
Is it my kiss that you want? Or do you not really care?
Do you tell her you love her? But then think of me?
Or are you just too good, that you don't even care to see.

Don't tell me you love me, I can't take the pain.
I can't hear your words, but know that I'll have nothing to gain.
No one to bring home, no one who's really mine.
No one to help me smile, when I try to say "I'm just fine."

But one day you'll look back, and you'll be able to see,
All the pain and heartache you had instilled in me.
You'll have a little girl one day, who will be sad about a boy.
A boy she loves with all she has, but he treats her like a toy.

You'll tell her that she's beautiful, and he's not worth the pain.
You'll tell her to be strong, and to let go cause there's nothing to gain.
You'll tell her about all the fish in the sea,
And how her one true love is out there, waiting for her to see.
Now switch scenes, and imagine me there...
Look me in my eyes, can you feel how much I truly care?

Tell me how you aren't worth the wait, 
Please give me the go-ahead to not fall for your bait.
Tell me how you're going to say all I want to hear, 
Only because you want to keep me so near. 

I want to let go, and let her know she's won,
I refuse to be the second option, when I'm looking for the one. 
Because I can remember someone wise once telling me, 
Keep your head up princess, there's more fish in the sea.